They Can't See What You Can See

OK. Here's the scene...

You're sitting across from someone. A potential client, maybe just someone you met at a networking event who started talking about their business. And within about 90 seconds, you can see it. The blind spot. Maybe it's something costing them money or something keeping them from the next level. It's practically glowing.

And everything in you wants to just... say it.

So you do. You point at the thing. You explain it clearly. You're helpful. You're right.

They nod. They say "huh, interesting." Maybe they even get a little defensive. Then they go right back to doing exactly what they were doing before.

Here's what took me way too long to learn. Being able to see what other people can't? That's not your superpower. That's just your experience doing what it's supposed to do.

Your actual superpower is helping someone see it for themselves.

Telling Them Doesn't Work

When we tell people what their problem is, we trigger the exact thing we're trying to avoid. Defensiveness. Resistance. That little voice that says, "Who does this person think they are?"

And the more right you are, the worse it gets. Nobody likes being told something about themselves they didn't already know. Especially by someone they just met or barely know.

Think about the last time someone gave you unsolicited advice. Even if it was good advice. Even the advice you eventually followed. Your first reaction probably wasn't gratitude. It was probably some form of resistance.

That's normal. It's just how people work.

Guide, Don't Tell

So what should you do instead? Ask questions. But don't ask questions that you want to make it look like you are an expert waiting to tell them what to do. They can smell it a mile away, and it feels salesy to them. They will naturally defend against that.

Instead, ask questions because you are genuinely curious about their situation. Ask questions that guide someone to their own awareness. They often are overlooking their problem and don't want someone to point it out. But they will let you guide them there.

Quick example. Say you're a financial advisor talking with a small business owner. You can see immediately that their pricing is way too low. They're busy, working constantly, but the margins are razor thin.

The old you says "your pricing is unsustainable, you should raise your rates by 30%." They smile, nod, and never call you again.

But what if you asked: "When you look at the hours you're putting in each week versus what's actually hitting your account... how does that math feel?"

Now they're doing the calculation in their head. Now they're sitting with the number. And when they say "honestly? Not great," that isn't coming from a so-called expert telling them that they are wrong or that you have something that they should pay you for. That's them discovering it. In their own words. On their own terms.

Now, they are more open to accepting this as an issue and one that they would like to talk with you about further.

That's the whole game.

A Felt Problem Gets Solved

When someone discovers their own problem, they don't just understand it intellectually. They feel it. And a felt problem is one that actually gets solved.

Now, it's not just this simple. But there is a process that you can follow. I built an entire framework around this idea. I call it the N.I.C.E. Method, and it's really just a structured way to ask the right questions in the right order. Start easy, build trust, then gradually move toward the questions that illuminate what's really going on underneath. The stuff they haven't looked at closely. Or maybe the stuff they've been avoiding.

You still see things they can't. That hasn't changed. What changes is how you use it.

Don't use a megaphone. Use a compass.

This article first appeared in my LinkedIn newsletter, Approachable Entrepreneurship.

Ready to trade the megaphone for a compass?

How to Sell When You Hate to Sell lays out the full N.I.C.E. Method: the right questions, in the right order, so the people you can help get to see what you already see. On their own terms.

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