I Vomited All Over Him

I know better.

I teach this stuff. I've written about it. I've coached people through it. I believe it down to my bones.

And then I saw him across the room.

Someone I had been wanting to connect with for a long time. He was at the same event, and I noticed he was heading for the door. So I did what any calm, collected, counselor-minded entrepreneur would do.

I bolted.

I flagged him down, introduced myself, and for a brief moment it was going perfectly. He was intrigued. His eyes lit up a little. He leaned in.

And then I kept talking.

I could see it happen in real time. That flicker of genuine interest slowly shifting into something else. A polite smile. A slight lean back. The look that says, "Oh. He just wants something from me."

I had turned a great first impression into a pitch. In about ninety seconds.

I knew he was leaving. He had somewhere to be. And I held him there anyway, because I was so focused on making something happen that I stopped paying attention to the actual human being in front of me.

The Whole Move Was One Sentence

The only job in that moment was to be interesting enough to earn a longer conversation later. A simple, "I would love to grab coffee sometime, would that work?" was all I needed.

That is it. That was the whole move.

Instead, I went for it all.

And on top of that, I did the one thing I write about constantly and somehow still managed to forget. I talked about how interesting I was instead of being interested in him. I told him what I do. I told him why I thought we should work together. I told him, and told him, and told him.

The whole time, there was a much better option sitting right there, completely unused.

"What are you working on these days?"

These words would have changed everything.

Even People Who Know Better Go Primal

Here is the thing I want you to take from this, and it is not just don't do what Shane did.

Even people who know better go primal sometimes.

There is something hardwired in us that, when we finally get the opportunity we have been waiting for, screams make it happen right now. Do not let this one get away. Say everything. Leave nothing on the table.

That instinct has killed more good opportunities than any lack of skill ever has.

He walked away with a polite handshake. I walked away knowing exactly what went wrong.

Next Time

The good news is, I know what I am doing next time I see him. I am going to ask what he has been working on. I am going to listen. And at some point, if the moment feels right, I might mention coffee.

Simple, easy, comfortable for both of us.

The N.I.C.E. process does not start with telling. It starts with asking. It always does. Even when every instinct you have is screaming otherwise.

Especially then.

Has this ever happened to you? I would genuinely love to hear that I am not the only one.

This article first appeared in my LinkedIn newsletter, Approachable Entrepreneurship.

Want to start with asking, even when every instinct says tell?

How to Sell When You Hate to Sell walks through the N.I.C.E. process from the very first question, so the next time you finally get your moment, you know exactly what to say. (Hint: it's mostly listening.)

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