Don't Try to Persuade Them. Let Them Persuade Themselves.

Blaise Pascal once said:

"People are generally better persuaded by the reasons which they themselves have discovered than by those which have come into the minds of others."

I don't know about you, but I hate the idea of trying to persuade someone. It sounds like I am trying to make them do something that they don't want to. The truth is, I want them to do what is right for them, even if they don't know what that is.

They don't resist change because they're stubborn. They resist it because they feel pushed.

Pitched. Convinced. Talked into something before they're ready to see it themselves.

And the moment someone feels persuaded, their guard goes up. Arms folded. Defensive mode.

Questions, Not Persuasion

Here's the thing:

The most effective business conversations don't rely on persuasion at all.

They rely on questions.

Not manipulative ones. Not "gotcha" questions. Not car salesman questions. (Ever notice they only ask questions that get you to say "yes"? They're so obvious that you just want to answer, "No. I don't want to save money.")

But honest, well-placed questions can help someone slow down and actually look at their situation clearly. Help them realize that they have been doing things the old way. The status quo way.

When the right questions are asked well and in the right order, something important happens.

The pressure disappears.

You're not selling them. They don't feel that they are being persuaded. They won't get defensive.

They Start Persuading Themselves

Instead, they start persuading themselves. They begin questioning whether they are doing the best with the current situation.

They connect dots they hadn't connected before. They articulate risks they've been avoiding. They hear their own words out loud and realize the situation is more critical than they'd admitted.

And because the conclusion is theirs, it sticks.

They don't want answers handed to them. They want space to think clearly.

Create Clarity, Not Pressure

The role of a good advisor, consultant, or seller isn't to convince.

It's to create clarity.

Because once someone truly sees the problem for what it is, action stops feeling like pressure... and starts feeling like relief. If done well, they will actually ask you for a solution.

You're not persuading them. You are guiding them to a better option.

I encourage you to try this. Start developing the questions that will help guide them to the self-discovery of the problem, the pain that they have been dealing with all this time.

This article first appeared in my LinkedIn newsletter, Approachable Entrepreneurship.

Want help building those questions?

That's what the N.I.C.E. process is for. How to Sell When You Hate to Sell walks you through which questions to ask and in what order. You won't feel like you are selling. You'll feel like you're simply helping someone make things better for themselves.

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Keep reading: Is Status-Quo Bias Killing Your Sales?